Life being single, is it good? Is it fun? Is it depressing?
It really depends on you.
Some people find it fun, some people find it good and some people find it pretty depressing.
Oftentimes, people were happy being single for a while but then at some point in their life, they get really sad, and maybe at some point, they get happy again!
But the same happens to the married and people in a relationship as well. They get happy, and at some point, they get sad, and then happy again.
It's just life.
I find an equal amount of complaints from the singles and the ones in committed relationships.
(if you are someone who hooks up and proud of it, shame on you. Yes, that's right, I'm calling you out 😆) So it really doesn't mean being single is happier and being in a relationship is happier.
But for some people, being married -regardless of how sad their life might turn out to be-is their life goal. It's something they really want to achieve in their life. You may argue and say that is because they are afraid of dying alone. But then again, who isn't?
I am one of the people who do want to get married and build a family in the future. So I really don't care about people saying "just get a hookup or one night stand, it's so much happier". That might be your mean to happiness but not me. Plus, I discourage free sex with people you don't know at all. I don't want to hear your justification, I stand by my opinion.
Many people have the same goal as me. But the biggest obstacle is, how to find a partner to be married with?
This is probably the problem that many many people encounter and in the process of doing it, they often give up so they be single, probably forever.
So, does the idea of being single forever scare you?
It scares me at first and I remember crying at some nights because I know how much my family will make fun of me, or how much society will make fun of me and label me as "unsold good" (because I guess people are so accustomed to seeing their value by their relationship status, but I don't know why). I also read people's stories. They are saying how irrelevant they are with their friends because their friends are all married with kids and here they are, alone.
To be honest, the thought of that chokes me and got me feeling like I should probably die now because the future is so much more difficult and I guess I am not built for something as difficult as that. Eternal shame.
So that kind of thought makes me wanna pick up my phone and let's download some dating apps. I have expressed my hate towards these types of an app but sometimes when you are desperate you might turn to something you loathe. I signed up and I swiped a little until I am sick of it. I mean, it's not many times, but I hate swiping through profiles. I don't really like 'scanning' people. I guess I would hate a recruiter job too.
I think deep down, I don't care about who they are. I only care about their thought, opinion, and their life.
I signed up, swiped for 2 days and I never touched those apps since.
But thoughts formed upon my mind after asking some people and reading their opinion on Reddit. Some people advised that maybe you should lower down your standard because you have to be with someone you are equally worthy of. Some said you really have to go out and SEARCH. Yes, a capital SEARCH! Search like you never before and actively build a profile, learn pickup lines. Just, being active, basically. Others said just do you, do whatever you love and the right one will come along. Some said you can improve how you look to get more matches as well. Many many many bits of advice!
I agree with some, and I disagree with some. Now, this is my opinion. It may be relevant to singles out there, it may not. I am not a motivator speaker, just a humble blogger 😁
I think life being single might not be good if that is not on your agenda. It sucks. Sometimes having someone be there for you is good. And we are social human, we do want someone to love us and someone to love. If you are given the option to have someone love you or not at all, I'd say 98% of you will say of course you want someone to love you. So not having that does suck.
But then I think again. I don't mind improving my appearance to be more good looking within a reasonable range. But if the only time I will be wanted is by turning myself into a sex doll, then I guess being single is better.
If I lower my standard and just accept people that I don't really like or don't feel any connection to, then it is unfair to them. They won't know how much I dislike them and the absence of love from me might turn into a much bigger problem. I might want to escape, I might treat them badly, I might blame them for my unhappiness. It's easy to say "well then don't do that" when this is not how you are as a person. Trust me, this is how I am as a person. When I don't like someone, no matter how hard I try, I will never like them and I will not treat them with the full love they deserve. Maybe some other people can do it, I couldn't.
That is why it is much fairer for me to just stay being single. And I hope people don't label me as being "too picky", "unsold good", or "old virgin". None of those insults relevant to me. I am not too picky, I have reasonable standards. I am not a goods to be sold. I am also not a virgin.
Maybe being single forever is not within your agenda, maybe it is unplanned. But think about it, if you actually lower your standard and accept (your) sub-standard people, is it fair for them? Does it do other people any good? And more importantly, will you be happy? Does it do good for you? Is it really better than being alone?
I am not here telling you to go for perfection. I am only saying you should stick with what you want. People who don't have standard live a meaningless life.
Now I know that I will never find anyone. I am not here to make anyone feel sorry for me and wanted to 'help' me. I mean I appreciate any help but I am confident I won't end up with anyone in the world. There are people who like me but I don't like them, so I'll never end up with them. I also realize that I am not attractive enough to attract the people I like. I will never be.
"Leni you are being negative"
I am not being negative, I am accepting my life and its destiny.
Sometimes, bad things happen in life and the only thing you can do is live alongside them. Accept that they are part of your life.
Maybe along the time, you can turn that into happiness.